


Holding Hands

by JustGalactic



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, M/M, Roman angst, homophobia tw, im sorry stop me pls, little kid sides!, still real angsty though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 02:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14178882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustGalactic/pseuds/JustGalactic
Summary: Roman loved escaping to Neverland, a place where boys ran around and had fun all day. Why would he ever want to close the place down?





	Holding Hands

**Author's Note:**

> This was a stream of consciousness type deal, I just sort of went with it. It's paced strangely, but I honestly like it. The whole thing is more conveying the concept than it is telling an actual story? Though this could all just be me excusing my awful writing

As a boy, Roman escaped to a magical land, not unlike Neverland. The boys there were exactly like him, but just different enough to keep it interesting.

The boys that ran with him in Neverland were always similar to boys he knew.

There was a boy who colored pictures with him, just like that boy from kindergarten. There was another boy who frowned at him when he wouldn't stand up straight, and taught him how to have good posture. In Roman's time with him, he was reminded of a boy from his church choir, a few years older than himself. A whole group of six or seven boys dragged Roman around the woods of Neverland, just like his neighbors.

He could've stayed in Neverland forever.

When he was called to dinner, Roman promised the boys every night that he would return the next day. He always did. For years, Roman returned again and again to Neverland.

In third grade, Roman was running around the woods of with his friends when he ran into a boy he hadn't seen in Neverland before. But with his bright eyes and even brighter smile, familiarity struck Roman. This was the boy who sat in front of him in class, and made Roman's heart flutter every time their eyes met.

“My name’s Patton!” He proudly proclaimed.

Immediately, Roman grabbed his hand.

“C’mon! Play with us!” Roman flashed a toothy grin.

Roman played with him every evening before dinner in Neverland, and things were changing in the real world. Patton started talking to him more and more, and they hung out at recess. Sometimes they held hands, but hey. That's what little kids do.

In Neverland, Roman colored with his friend from kindergarten, pictures of himself and Pattom. He talked to his friend from choir, who urged him to pay more attention to the classwork than to this new boy. Roman's neighbors in Neverland were always happy to have another person to play with.

As middle school began, Roman visited Neverland less and less. But the boys understood, and every time he came, he brought new friends. The cute boy he'd seen in the hall, that incredibly intriguing high schooler who tutored him in math, the boy who picked up his pencil when he dropped it.

Patton was still right by his side, both in Neverland and the outside world.

The summer after seventh grade, Roman strolled into Neverland as usual. Patton was waiting for him at the edge of the woods, as he often did.

Something was different though.

Patton was sitting at the base of a tree, and carved into that tree were initials.

“R+P”

They were surrounded by a heart. The sight made Roman grin. Patton giggled and tackled his friend in a hug. The boys ran around, never losing contact with each other.

Then, Roman's pinky grazed Patton's hand. He paused. Patton looked at him. He leaned in shyly.

In the outside world, Roman gasped loudly. He felt his chest, his heart was beating a mile a minute. This latest adventure in Neverland had only confirmed what he'd suspected deep down since third grade.

He texted Patton.

“Wanna hang out tomorrow?”

They set up plans. A day in the park. They'd bring a picnic lunch.

The day was perfect, bright and sunny. They ran around, having the time of their lives. Once they were tired, they collapsed behind a tree, faces red as they breathed heavily, laughing.

Clumsily, Roman grabbed Patton's face. Patton paused for a moment, but then he giggled, leaning into the kiss. Confusing middle school crushes into awkward middle school kisses. Laughing and smiling and making silly faces at each other. Oh god, for a moment, Roman felt so, so happy.

There was a shout.

“What the hell?!”

A boy from school. He was quickly joined by his friends. They stared at Roman and Patton who were frozen, a statue of fear.

This laughter wasn't anything like Patton's giddy chuckles.

This was loud, way too loud. This was angry, mocking. Roman noticed a camera phone flash. A three letter slur that he never wanted to see or hear again was hurled at him.

He ran, oh god he ran. As far away as his feet could take him. He felt Patton stumbling after him, their fingers intertwined.

“Cowards!”

“Look, they're holding hands!”

More laughter.

Roman wrestled his hand away from Patton's grip and turned, sprinting towards his house, leaving Patton in the dust.

Neverland was shut down, boarded up, a thousand padlocks over the gates.

When he saw Patton in the halls, Roman would glance away. He ignored the boy that used to be his best friend. The boy that wanted to be so much more.

It continued through high school. Rumors followed Roman, but he shrunk into himself and stayed under the radar. The talk died down, though he still heard whispers of his name from time to time.

Junior year. Friendless. Closeted. Thoroughly and utterly alone.

Tears dripped down Roman's face as he sat in bed at midnight.

A gate was in front of him, and with shaking hands, he took a key to all of the locks and tore away the boards blocking the entrance.

Boys’ laughter echoed through the dark land, though he didn't see anyone. Who was he to think they'd even wait?

Then, as the gate to Neverland swung lazily open, he saw a boy with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. Their hands intertwined, their lips connected, it was like a breath of fresh air and the only thing Roman had to hold on to. The feeling of holding hands with someone he still cared so much about was the best feeling he'd ever had.

If someone were to glance into the bedroom of Roman Sanders that dark night, they'd see a boy, sitting on his bed and sobbing. His hands would be intertwined, his knuckles white as he held on for dear life.

And his eyes would be shut tight so that he could pretend for just a moment, a brief moment

That someone else was beside him, holding his hand.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Was originally supposed to be based on Where The Boys Are, but it was also originally supposed to end happy, so things didn't go exactly to plan.
> 
> hmu on tumblr! my url is galacticallynonbinary


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